Re: Private
from the catchmydrift.blog archives
When I first started writing this blog my only followers were my friends and family. I remember my niece asking; “How can you write about such personal things?” I told her that I didn’t think I was giving away any secrets. She countered, “But what about your privacy!” Well. I told her that there are some things I might consider private. Also, it matters only to me, what I might consider a secret. I honour the people in my life by never telling their private story, only mine. Their own secret is safe with me.
Most cultures have body boundaries. Privacy comes with a perimeter. When there is little room for privacy, we may be cautioned not to look, out of respect. Children are taught early what parts of their body require coverage in public. Modesty is often determined by these early codes of conduct. An uncovered window is a privation for some and a source of liberation for others. In this way privacy suggests a space that surrounds us but it can also be within us; as in the privacy of our own thoughts – a place where no one may enter.
There are many instances in life where the difference between private and secret gets fuzzy. For example, after a death you often hear family members requesting that they have privacy, out of respect for their grief. The death is likely known in the community, so that much isn’t a secret. Yet sometimes the circumstances surrounding the death may become a closely-guarded secret by family members who feel that the cause of death is a private matter.
Comedians make a joke of this sort of conundrum by saying things like, ‘What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas.’ My mother warned me early in my life that what happened in our house was no one’s business but ours. She would often say things like, “This is a private matter between your father and me.” Keeping a secret involves withholding information. Information that someone else might want. As a child, I never thought anything that happened in my family would be of interest to anyone. Then I became a teenager and I wanted the whole world to stop looking.
Privacy is a big issue in the internet world. Our devices are becoming so linked that it is harder to police our own privacy. We are told that if we have nothing to hide then we have nothing to fear, yet our private stuff is entrusted to a Cloud. I wonder for the teens of the future. Will they know what a secret is or whether to keep it?
Many Canadians have kept the realities of the Indigenous Residential School System like a secret. Privately, many things were done in these state-sanctioned institutions that have brought grave dishonour unto a people. Awful secrets cannot stay private for long. Secrets like these must be uncovered so that all may find healing. Original intention does not matter. Excuses don’t count. A healthy society is responsible for making amends. All citizens have a right to privacy and in that private space a determination must be found to eliminate secrets. Secrets are like lies, impossibly fragile and destructive even before they come to light.
I believe truth must always come first.