Identification Please

from the Ever Wonder collection (1996-2001)

There was a bit of confusion the other day at the library. I had left my library card in the car. All I wanted was to pick up a book that was being held for my wife. As I ran out to my car to retrieve the card, I started to wonder. On my return, the librarian, most kindly waiting, took my card and scanned it for identification. My wondering was now in full flight. Wouldn’t it have been easier if l had a barcode tattooed into my wrist?

I extended my wondering to the future. Will there be automatic tattooing for human children? My dog has a permanent stamp on her skin identifying her breed. Since our society seems to be evermore marching towards the consumerization of the masses, will we institute a natal program that allows for immediate and permanent identification of the NEXT generation of consumers? With a single tattoo on your wrist, you could make getting a library book a breeze. No more looking for that lost card! Think of how you could eliminate all of your ID cards! Our wallets would be slimmer and our purses less bulky.

Line up at the bank machine and just push your hand into the slot. A laser device will scan your wrist. Your voice or simple eye movements could command the amount of cash that you need (will we still have cash?). If you need to fill out a loan application your identification is there like your thumb print. You won’t need to memorize a birth certificate, social insurance number, or other numerals on cards and papers. Just have your tattoo scanned into a nearby computer and you’re approved for credit.

What if you forget your age of majority card? As long as you brought your wrist there can be no problem. The tavern will have screening devices at the door, filled with all the necessary data to process your code. You’ll probably have to use your wrist ID before buying regulated substances (like cigarettes, will we still have those?). But take heart, when you scan, then email your tattoo to the ticket outlet you’ll get instant concert tickets to see a great act like The Presidents of the United States.

The world will be a simpler place. We’ll all eat peaches! Everyone will be codified, stamped, and accounted for.

I wonder what the survivors of The Holocaust would have to say about this idea?