Darn Dogs

from the Ever Wonder collection (1996-2001)

This is the anniversary of a dog taking up residence in our house. For five years now we have had a pet. The empty nest syndrome was pounding hard at my wife’s door and she caught me at a very vulnerable moment (I was clinically depressed). You must understand I had not envisioned having a pet, since three sons were enough responsibility for me. My mother had gone through a “but it will be so cute” experience when I was barely of school age. I hated those dogs; one threw up every time we left the house, another leapt at me like the comic-strip character Hobbes every time I came home from school, and another pet ran away (I was starting to like that one). I teased my partner by suggesting one day we might get a nice ceramic dog that would sit inanimate by our gas fireplace. She didn’t think I was very funny.

So she secretly did some research at the library and came up with the ‘perfect’ dog: one that was reasonably obedient and had a quiet disposition. I hate to say it, but over five years this Australian Shepherd won my heart. We call her Sydney (duh, how creative). She’ll bark repeatedly only when a complete stranger comes around. Her other barks are short but insistent. Bark One occurs when she has been ignored outside for a while and it sounds like; “Is there anyone in the house that has any feeling for me at all?” Bark Two happens when she knows she is supposed to be quiet but she puts in her two cents worth as if to say, “Alright I’ll do what you say but I’m not going to like it!” Bark Three is really a combination of sounds that come from down in her body when someone has returned from a trip. These ‘sentences’ sound like, “Well it’s about time you got back. I was really missing you. How could you have gone away for so long? It’s been terrible trying to get through each day without you. Don’t ever do that again!”

After a thorough tongue lashing like that it is really difficult to go on another trip knowing what you will have to face on your return. A friend of mine in Calgary says she just hates to leave her cat alone for even a few hours because she gets the cold shoulder whenever she returns. She found a place in her city called (get this) ‘Country Club for Pets’. She went to check it out and was amazed at the facilities. Apparently, you can reserve a ‘suite’ for your cat or dog when you’re out of town, for about $12 a day. These suites are individually decorated rooms (bigger than most bathrooms in a regular sized house). Each suite has a different ‘theme’. There’s the Jungle Room for single swingers, The Tropicana for cool cats, The Den for homebody pets. You choose the space and you’re guaranteed a happy pet when you return from your travels. Next time I think I’ll send Sydney on holiday and book a room there for myself.