If bringing a screaming, soggy newborn into the world is the culmination of a pregnancy, what can we call the preliminary to the launching of a teenager into society? Shall we say it is a social pregnancy? I won't claim to know the powerful feelings that must be present during the first pregnancy, since I’m a dude. As a father, however, I can relate to all those who have carried an adolescent to full term.
Women will advise that during the first pregnancy you must make adjustments. Your diet changes, your clothes don't fit, that favourite position for sleeping is impossible. Life can't be exactly the way it was, nor will it ever be again! But you convince yourself that once you've given birth to a little human you can regain some control over your life. (stifled, but snorting laughter here)
Things do seem to go quite well with your child, for a while. You are lulled into a false sense of security. Being a Dad, I loved how that little human followed me, learned from me, made me laugh, snuggled with me, and stroked my ego with those glances of sheer adoration. Hold on! Then comes puberty and the beginning of the first trimester of the second pregnancy.
It starts innocently enough. Your human shows preferences for friends. A simple game with Dad or Mom MUST include 'so and so' down the street. Advice about wardrobe is now provided by 'you know who' around the comer. You catch yourself feeling jealous over some pip-squeak who calls on your giant child to play tennis. Your diet changes as you turn to junk food to provide solace for your weakened, wounded, ignored spirit.
Welcome to the second trimester. By now your human has grown to the stage of outward defiance. During coffee with friends, you laugh over how your baby liked to kick you in the womb. Now you might get a kick in the psyche. It’s hard to hold back resentment. You become a negotiator. Desperately searching for answers, you look to your own teenaged past but you hope that your teen can't read your mind. Your body feels past its warranty but your mind still says PARTY, so you buy a new bright -coloured wardrobe. Your child starts to look at you as though you are from another planet.
The third trimester of social pregnancy is especially tiring. You decide to cover your grey hair with something other than a hat (your offspring might suggest a paper bag). A full grown teenager is a heavy responsibility! Your human looks down when telling you, "Don't wait up for me." Once again, you can't sleep a full night in the position you once enjoyed, since you’re tossing and turning with worry. Some days you can feel the tension as your young adult strains at the door of his/her own life. The door must be opened, for this is the birth that proclaims your child to be an adult. This birth is every bit as powerful as the first one, some nineteen years before.
I wonder if we experience a third birth: A place on the margin of life. Is dementia a spiritual pregnancy? How do we prepare for death? I’ve got a while to go before that threshold so I'll keep you posted.